This Wells must retire

Good Egg Foo Young, the Council waits for you,
the Viet Cong and Minh are here for you.

Aah fellow Reds, you know why we are here,
we've got a problem, we're also out of beer.
Welles Hangen, Journalist 3X
Listen to the mob of budding film stars in the street,
a couple of mikes and cameras, and the whole town's on it's feet.
He is dangerous Chorus:Welles Hangen
He is dangerous Chorus:Welles Hangen

The man has brought his cameras here,
to spy upon our troops,
We better stop him soon or it'll be our biggest oops.
He is dangerous Chorus:Welles Hangen
He is dangerous Chorus:Welles Hangen

Look, Egg Foo Young, he's coming to our town
Quick, Egg Foo Young, we'' turn his volume down.

No wait, we need a more permanent solution to our problem.

What then do about Hangen the newsman ?
American journalist, spy of the week.
He films us while saying he's just a reporter,
One thing I'll say for him is Wells is a sneak.

We dare not let him run free in our jungle,
he keeps getting into those journalistic spells;
and next thing you know he's got film of our troops,
and it's NBC News starring, who else but Wells.

I see bad things arising,
we shouldn't let them know we're here with our troops.
We're in a lot of hot water,
they know that we're here now because of his scoops.
We're in hot water because of his scoops.
because, because, because of his scoops,
They know that we're here now because of his scoops.
because, because, because of his scoops.


What can we do about Wells and his cameras ?
we can't even bribe him, our offers he spurns;
he's getting so popular, we must be careful;
he gets higher ratings than As the World Turns.

Fools my wife even likes him
if we don't soon stop him, he'll climb even higher;
we must force him to leave us,
just like ole Chet Huntley this Wells must retire;
for the sake of Ho Chi Minh, this Wells must retire;
retire, retire this Wells must re,
Wells must re, Wells must re-tire.

(c) in 2006, 2005, 1991, 1970

a Dumbthing Stupefying

- Fred Flunky -

It seems to me a Dumbthing Stupefying
that a newsman like you should listen to,
propaganda of her kind.

Wells don't you understand, she's just a flunky.
Why you tune her in, and hear her junk, is freaking out my mind.

It's not that I object to her profession;
But I hope that you're not fooled by what she has to say.
It doesn't help us if you're not patriotic;
we oughta spend our time cheering for the USA.

- Wells -

Who are you to critize her ?
Who are you to despise her ?
when you've your own show,
you can tell what you think of her.
But, until then,
do just what I say,
then we'll be ok;
you're just a flunky, you're just a monkey.

I'm amazed that men like you would try and get your name in lights;
there is not a man among you wouldn't steal my copyrights.


(c) in 2006, 2005, 1991, 1970

Headlines on the Brain

The news is clearer now,
at last, all too well, I can see where we all soon will be;
if you strip away the myth from the man,
you can see where we all soon will be.
Wells...

You started to believe, their propaganda's true;
you really do believe that they wouldn't capture you.
And all the film I've made what will they think of that ?
You really think you can convince them that you're a diplomat ?

Listen, Welles I don't like what I see,
we're surrounded by nasty VC;
I was told, we only came here to tell what's new.

We're behind the commie lines, and we're even dodging mines.
I think they're gonna get us soon.

I remember when this whole thing began, no talk of spies; you were just a newsman.
and believe me my admiration for you hasn't failed.
But the commies, aren't nice; they want to put us all on ice.
And I didn't come this far to be jailed.

NBC you're great newsman, shoulda stayed in his homeland.
like Dave Brinkley on the set, richer he'd get.
weather forecasts, news reports;
latest news from last night's sports;
would have suited ole Welles best; we all could rest.

Listen Welles, don't you care for your crew ?
we just came here to send back the news;
we're reporters we didn't come here to talk to Ho.

They've got rifles, they've got knives;
we've got cameras and our lives.
Let's get out before we lose them both.

Listen Welles, I'm a friend you can trust;
I'll paint a sign that says Saigon or Bust.

The big wheels back home, just want a front page story, dont care how.
We are going down the drain,
cause they've got Headlines on the Brain.
Do you know what Spiro's gonna say now ?

Listen Welles, I'm a friend you can trust;
I'll paint a sign that says Saigon or Bust.

(c) in 2006, 2005, 1991, 1970

Welles Hangen

Everytime I look at you, I dont understand,
why you weren't satisfied as just a newsman.
Could have had it easy, if you stayed in Hong Kong,
instead you took a paid vacation in Vietnam.
The newsmen back at home, they are the stars of the act,
why are we the ones stuck with getting the facts ?

Chorus:
Don't you get me wrong, don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, don't you get me wrong
I only want to know
Welles Hangen, Welles Hangen
Where are you ? How is it hangin' ?
Welles Hangen, Journalist
Didn't you believe Chairman Mao'd be pissed ?

How come they didn't pick on ABC or CBS ?
Why are we the lucky ones stuck in this mess ?
What about when you get back,
did you reach your peak or do you think you'll make it
as an after dinner speaker ?
did you know that Ho Chi Minh by now he woulda got'cha ?
did you think these guys would write you a rock opera ?

Repeat Chorus 2x